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1.31.2 Thinking of you during the past two years has been one of the hardest things that I’ve done in my life. You have played such an amazing roll in my development and have giving me insight on so many things. You’ve always been there (except when you hid for a month or two) and you’ve always taken the time to care. Since this day, which represents a major milestone in your life, should be honored with joyous events and festive celebration, and since I am not there to share in these with you, I would like to offer this page of words as a token of my appreciation. Without sounding too sentimental and mushy, I really wanted to give you something which would not only touch you; it would remain with you for many years to come. Seeing as I usually tend to forget people’s birthdays, I made it a special point to remember yours. There are just so many things that I would like to say and so many memories I would love to share that I couldn’t possibly put them all here. However, since I already have your attention, I would really like to get personal with you (Oh shit, eh?). Not that we’re ever going to get married or even think of having kids, but you know that you’re always going to be in my heart until the day I die. I just wish that there was a way to describe how I feel. It’s not that dreaded ‘LOVE’ word, but something else. Something with more ZIP to it; something that invokes a strong emotional response but doesn’t sound too cheesy; something that would not only feel good in words, but would be taken serious in a conversation. Seeing as you always accuse me of separating my persona in writing and face-to-face, I’m seriously lacking a good adjective which would sound honest, sincere, personal, and real. That’s it! Kinda flew by me so fast… hardly even noticed it there… but no. You might think that I’m just writing some stupid Adam shit like I always do… Really Ali, I have to admit, it’s been just that… real. So real that when I think about it it hurts. Real as in memories real, or real as in future real? I really haven’t a clue. I guess the only real explanation for what we had was real. Really fuckin’ crazy, really strange and different, really fast and rough, really painful at times and yet so really good at others. I just wish that we could have made real sense out of our relationship because that was the hardest part… trying to draw the lines… trying to decipher between really in love or really good friends. Damn, its just so difficult to explain… so really, really, really difficult to explain. So what am I doing then, writing down all this garbled nonsense? Something that will either get you really pissed at me or… hmmm, now that I think of it, you’re probably not going to like this little thing at all are you? You’re just going to hate it… I’m not even sure why I’m doing this anymore…. You know that poem that I sent to you before… You remember how you reacted to that one? Well, I guess I’m trying to be real here so don’t get too upset just yet… I’m not quite finished (I know, I know) Basically, I wanted to thank you for the many wonderful times that we’ve had together in the past. I also wanted you to know that I will always have a tender spot for you in my heart, even though it may seem like I’m just a sex-maniac most of the time (which is hard to deny). But most of all I wanted to thank you for being such a genuine friend of mine. So much so, I really have found no one else quite like you. And that means everything, really. Hope your first birthday in the big, bad, real world has treated you well. And I hope that you always know that I’ll be there for you, same as you’ve been there for me, and that if you ever need anything, you make sure and let me know. Now fuck all that mushy stuff and take a look at this. |
(I got my eye on you babe. ;)